Binges and Tanties...

OK, so it turns out that people actually read this blog and that kind of scares me.

On Tuesday my hot-top-fitting programme came terribly undone. I blame the fact that I only worked half a day (and oh, that I have little to no will power). Normally I work eight and half hours straight with no chance for a break. This is great because it gives me no opportunity to gorge during the day. Tuesday started off well however I got to go home at 1:00, this is where it all fell apart. I was starvinggggg and the passionfruit butter in the fridge that we bought at the Northpine Country Markets on the weekend was eyeing me off. I felt defeated because I was so hungry and I didn't want to go swimming that afternoon after the heavy duty work out the day before and convinced myself there was no point anyway because I am a blob and there was no way that shirt was going to fit me by the weekend. So I ate. I even consoled myself by going and buying a new top (that fit).

I was feeling good about my cave :: I got to eat again and I had another top to wear, almost as hot as the first one. This was until we went to dinner with James's family at his sister and bro-in law's place. Turns out they read my previous post and made a comment on it. I had to explain how I was weak and the passionfruit butter did it to me and I suddenly felt guilty and dissapointed in myself. Mr Biggs pointed out I still had a couple of days and that I could still do it, hmmmmmm. I really don't know if the top is in my reach. I tried it on this morning though and it is feeling a bit looser and looking a bit hotter than it did the day before. Since Sunday I have lost about 2 or 3 kilos, since two weeks ago I have lost about 8. So anyhoo, I'm going back on the plan today, just for 3 more days. I don't know if the top will fit me but if it doesn't I still have my other top as back-up. At least this way I can say I tried I guess.

Once again I'm aware that this is not the (physically or psychologicaly) healthy way to 'diet' and I assure you its not a permanent thing - 3 more days! I am currently reading "The Lazy Girl's Guide to Losing Weight and Getting Fit" by A.J. Rochester, the chick that hosts The Biggest Loser. Very interesting and has me understanding how this weightloss thing is meant to work. Come Monday I'm right on track for that. According to my BMI I only have about 8 kilos to lose to be 'healthy', I don't know how accurate that is - I feel like I have so much more than that to lose.

The crap thing about being fat is that you have no idea how big you are or what you look like, I think its a perception thing. Every mirror you look in, every reflection in a shop window, every photograph makes you look completely different. One minute you can look like this...

and the next like this...

OK, maybe the second is an exhaggeration but you get the point. Your BMI can tell you one thing and you clothing size tells a different story (though I gess there is a difference between thin and healthy (?)). You can look great in the mirror at home but then someone shows you a photo and its all over red rover. Its really annoying, what you really need is some kind of holographic duplicate of yourself that can show you ecatly what you look like in every out fit you own and every shade of eye shadow. That would be ideal.

Today I have the day off so I am meeting Captain Tato in his lunch break. Then I am going to walk to Chermside, WhereIs tells me this will take 2 hours and 1 minute, I don't expect it should really take that long. I'm going to go to the shops and them I am going to go swimming. 50 laps today is the plan! YEAH, Wish me luck. I hope it doesn't rain.

This is all boring stuff. My apologies. I want to change the subject and talk bout something different that is on my mind at the moment but I already fear this post is too long so I might do that some other time.

Byeeeee Homies.